My life's brainwashing

I grew up in the Mormon faith.
Was forced into hours upon hours of study in this faith
4 years of seminary in high school,
1 1/2 hours every other day of coercion at it's finest,
Taught by men I neither trusted, nor wanted in my life,
At least 3 hours every Sunday spent at church, in addition
to only being allowed to read or watch "church approved" (parent church approved) material.
Not even allowed to ride my bike, or play a simple game of chess.
Cards were of the devil, they promoted gambling,
Toy guns promote war,
Gosh dang it, was too closely sounding of GOD DAMMIT!
Forced to spend every Monday night with the Root of all this indoctrination
My father,
Who insisted the world revolves around said church
Every Wednesday night given to youth activities in the church,
all things made and designed by the church to create situations in
which members are forever dependent upon it for their happiness.
Thinking that it has the answers to all the questions that come in life,
but that's a ridiculous idea, because it is of men, and no matter how
much a man can claim to know the key to your happiness, or your well-
being. He doesn't. He can't know everything.
There is no such thing as a cookie-cutter philosophy as to how to be happy
made for everyone. It doesn't exist.
And if you believe it does.
Then I'm sorry, but you're just another one of the fools caught in their web.

How many hours were wasted forging this foundation of my life?
How many bricks were lain down because I wasn't allowed to think freely?
This foundation that for years I believed was so strong.
How is it, that it could be shattered so easily once I allowed myself to ask why?
To ask why the God that I was always told so fully loved me and everything that I
am, and everyone around me. Was also the same God that allows children to starve,
that allows people to die that don't deserve it, whilst letting rapists and murderers
walk freely among the nations.
Pastors, and religious leaders have been known to blame all bad things on the devil, and all
good things are given to God as proof of his benevolence.
But in the same breath, they teach that God is more powerful than the devil, that good will
always triumph over evil.
But if that truly is the case. Why the HELL can't God stop the plagues, the disease, the sickness,
the wars, the poverty, WHY does he sit back on his heavenly chair, and simply dance the
puppeteers dance. Pulling the strings on his dearest marionettes. His key players in this sick
game he plays simply because he's bored.

No God would force you to wear special underwear because it will "protect you from evil"
Or make you wear ridiculous costumes whilst learning hand signals given through covert
organizations such as the Masonic Rituals.
And what need does a God have for 10%, or any percentage for that matter, of humanity's monetary gains. Considering he creating everything right? So if he really needs it that bad, he could just take it, or better yet, create it for himself.
The 10% is the summation of the greed of old men, who sit in their high chairs, whispering and watching. Laughing as they have the whole world affixed to their view. Their word is law, people would do just about anything if they told them it's what "God" commanded.

Each day I scramble to rebuild.
To pick up the pieces, and try to figure out this puzzle.
To pull the right bricks from the pile,
not wanting to rebuild with toxic ideas of the original build
Each day I'm affected
Each day I'm haunted
I can't forgive
I can't forget
I can't pretend that it's all okay
I can't discern who are just the liars, and who are just  being lied too.
Who know, but don't care,
and who care but don't know
My world shattered the day I learned the truth
But I'd never go back.
I was happy then,
Not so much now.
But still I'd rather live in pain each day,
with my eyes wide open,
Than die with a smile on my face
But my eyes glued shut.